Last week my husband, Aaron, and I celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary! While I realize that six years isn’t the longest amount of time that anyone has been married, I do know that he and I have a marriage more beautiful than our wedding day, something I always dreamed I could say and I thank the universe for every day. And because of that, I want to share my three musts for a positive marriage, and provide you with an incredible free resource to help you and your spouse or partner, have a more positive and connected relationship.
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I am obsessed with that wedding video and watch it every year. Each time it makes me cry. But we’re not here to cry! We’re here to talk about the things that I think have made my marriage strong, and three musts for a positive marriage, so that you can create a more positive relationship with your partner.
Three Musts For a Positive Marriage – Marriage “Must” #1: Exactly as You Are
Remember on Bridget Jones Diary when he says he likes her, just the way she is? In a world of swiping right, waiting hours to text back, and trying to “play it cool”, it can feel like you have to be everyone else BUT yourself in a relationship.
But after having some total dating fails, I was tired of playing games, and pretending to be someone I wasn’t. Turns out, the breakups and failed relationships didn’t teach me that I wasn’t good enough, or that I would never find Mr. Right. It taught me that I just hadn’t found the right person to love me just the way I was.
In the book, Conversations with God, one of my favorites from my Reading List for the Spiritually Curious, it explains it so perfectly: “In this, many churches have it right. Marriage is a sacrament. But not because of its sacred obligations. Rather, because of its unequalled opportunity. Never do anything in relationship out of a sense of obligation. Do whatever you do out of a sense of the glorious opportunity your relationship affords you to decide, and to be, Who You Really Are.”
And that’s my first “must” to create a positive marriage. Find out who YOU really are. Love yourself. And honor exactly who your partner is. Hey, maybe that’s what Jax Taylor meant when he told Britney’s dad that he was always going to look out for #1 first?! 😉
Marriage “Must” #2: Chair Talk
That leads me to my second “must” in my three musts for a positive marriage.
Before Aaron and I got married, we took this online “marriage counseling” course that recommended daily “couch talk”. This was just a phrase to refer to the idea that every day you should set aside some time to catch up with your partner. We changed this to “chair talk” because of some super cute wing-backed chairs we purchased at Marshalls. We liked the idea of doing our talks there. But what you call it really doesn’t matter. The point is, it’s a time to connect.
It goes without saying that really listening to your partner is so important. This was actually really good advice that I want to pass on for a positive marriage or relationship. By setting aside time to catch up about a hard day, a day worth celebrating, or just updating them on life, it keeps you close and connected. Life gets crazy. But if you really don’t know what’s going on in your partner’s life, what’s the point?
Marriage “Must” #3: Gratitude
You all know I’m a “pusher” when it comes to gratitude. At least that’s what one of my followers on Instagram told me. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I recommend a daily gratitude practice for manifesting miracles. You also might know that I offer a FREE gratitude and manifesting worksheet to help you apply this practice in your life. And a healthy and wonderful marriage is no exception to the things you can begin to manifest as well.
Now, Aaron and I have never actually written out what we are grateful for about one another. Aside from our marriage vows of course). However, I realized after I picked up this gratitude practice, that we have always been grateful throughout our marriage. Any time he does the dishes, or I make dinner. If he picks up our daughter from school, or I go grocery shopping. We are very intentional about thanking each other for the little things. After all, we don’t want to take them for granted, knowing that some people would give an arm and a leg for just that. Amiright? So that’s why my last marriage “must” is gratitude. It’s so important to keep a relationship strong.
A Couples Gratitude Practice
However, I realize that showing gratitude doesn’t always come easy. It’s easy to take your partner for granted and get carried away with, well…life. Maybe you’ve even described your relationship like passing ships in the night. That’s how one of my Instagram followers described it to me in a message she wrote me one day. She told me how she and her husband had struggled, like all couples do, to stay connected through all the craziness of their everyday lives – kids, jobs, fitness, family, and on and on.
To make a change, she and her husband had recently implemented a daily gratitude practice. Which she’d learned about from downloading my gratitude worksheet. They write down what they are grateful for on the same sheet of paper, separately. Then the other reads it later while the other is at work our out of the house. It makes them feel more connected and you guessed it, grateful.
I nearly cried when I read this because I was so excited my gratitude worksheet was truly helping people. Sure, I knew the power of gratitude because of how it changed my life, but as it turns out, changing other people’s lives is whole other drug to push.
How to Create a More Positive Marriage
Because of that, I am pushing gratitude on your relationship too…only because I’m addicted 😉 So I would encourage you to start this same process with your partner. Start saying “Thank You Next” to your old problems, and start getting excited about the kind of relationship you always dream about.
Lastly, thank you so much for taking the time to read The Three Musts for a Positive Marriage! I love to help you celebrate life through party decorations and personal development! But above all, I’d love to connect with you. Reach out to me on Instagram and let’s chat. Start transforming from the inside out on The Celebration Effect Podcast. You can also get more value by signing up to get my FREE gratitude journal printable to help you start celebrating your everyday life through gratitude.